• Last updated 10 hours ago
Yo brain: 'it'll only be a tiny fart. Nobody gonna hear it…' Yo ass:
Introverts pretending to hate quarantine: This is unbearable.
Me: takes spider web down with a broom Me: hangs up fake spider web for Halloween The spider
Me: 'I'm actually feeling pretty good today' My brain 5 seconds later:
When everyone at work is testing your patience but you have to stay calm because you've got bills to pay
When the waitress takes ur plate and there were still fries on it
Drive thru: Will that be all? Me: The First Order was only the beginning!
Doctor: Your neck surgery was successful My credit card: *gets declined* Doctor:
WHAT MY EYE SEES… WHAT MY PHONE SEES…
People who eat the unpopped popcorn kernels at the bottom of the bowl People who bite ice cream
Guy who made the joke Guy who said it louder infront of the whole class
GTA players: *crying because they haven't gotten a new version for 7 years Chess players who've been doing the same sh*t for 4500 years: Pathetic.
When the waitress takes your plate that had a miniscule amount of food residue on it
When you tell your short gf to calm down Things will not calm down, they will in fact calm up.
Society if people didn't eat bats for dinner
Her: No more sex until you put a ring on it Me: